DAD UNDERGROUND

EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS

I have a friend in Libya, who is always jovial and makes things light for all people around. His name is Salah Assker. He is an Instrument Technician by profession and uncomfortably fat by appearance, though not by preference.

He has a very nice way of putting off things which he doesn’t want to do.

In some uneasy situations when someone is trying to force him to say ‘Yes’ he will respond “Look, my friend, I usually consult my father before I decide on such important issues. So I can’t say yes, just now. Please give me time­”. With that he will escape.

If the guy asks him again after a few days he will reply, “Oh! Not yet. I have to talk to my dad­”.

Once we were in the midst of a discussion about the way people sometimes take advantage of good friends even to the point of unintentionally risking a souring in the relationship. One of his friends came in, said ‘Hi’[ ‘kif halak’ in Arabic ] and asked him whether he would be kind enough to allow him to use his car for a couple of hours.

I could see from Salah’s face that he was not inclined to give the car. But with amazing ease he excused himself saying “Oh! You know I really can’t allow it without my father’s approval. So you have to excuse me. If you want me to drop you somewhere urgently, please tell me. I will”­. The friend wasn’t offended. He went away mumbling that he will try with someone else.

I complimented Salah for the nice and tactful way he said no. I added that not many people had such reverence and respect for their father and asked him where his father was working. He said his father was not working anymore.

I generally do not like to ask questions of personal nature even with close friends. I believe that everyone is entitled to the privacy of his own self. There are some personal matters which we don’t like to discuss with others.

So I was almost violating my own self-proclaimed code of conduct when I asked the next question without thinking of the consequences. Sometimes we are off guard in moments of empathy and I was no exception.

“Is he retired?” ­ I asked.

He said “He retired long back. He lived well. He is now underground­”.

I asked him “Excuse me! What do you mean, underground?­”

He said “Oh? You know, he is no more. He died when I was very young”.­

I was speechless.

I didn’t know how to proceed and he saw my hesitation.

He said “You are wondering how I could consult my dad. Well he is always with me in my memory. I put the matter which needs his attention in that part of my mind and leave it there. I will get a guidance soon enough.”

I asked “How will you know when it comes?”

“That comes with practice. And I am well versed with it from my early childhood.”

I still think that it is a very clever way to manage a situation from going out of hand and to keep friendships in tact in spite of uncomfortable situations such as these.

May god give us all such guidance at times when we face a tight corner.