MY NEPHEW IS A GENIUS

A CLASSIC DISCOVERY

My nephew is a genius.

The other day when I visited him, I was impressed with the way he had organized his living space, with comfort as the main theme.

He had a remote controlled stereo music system which he could operate without getting up from his comfortable sofa, which doubled as his bed at the appropriate times whenever his body moved from semi vertical to horizontal position.

The curtains could be opened and closed by the touch of a button in his hand and so also were the lights and the fan. He didn’t have an AC but he had a plan to buy it next year and for sure it would be a unit with remote control.

He brushes his teeth with a Braun Automatic tooth brush with a built in motor. It is a cute little thing and I should say that it does full justice to his teeth, considering the rate at which his teeth are engaged in grinding the spicy food that he is so fond of.

His mother was complaining to me that with all the remote controls at his command he was still so lazy that he doesn’t even switch off his music system when he goes to sleep. It vibrates the entire apartment with the heavy metal noise he claims to be music to his ears and she can’t catch even a minute’s peaceful sleep in the night. The only way she manages to remain sane is by sleeping after he leaves for work in the morning.

I took pity on her and assured her that I will talk to him about it.

My own line of thinking was that my nephew could be persuaded to add another voice activated remote control which could operate the push buttons of the remote control of his music system. I have seen some of these voice activated things. They can be programmed to take instructions exclusively from the specific person’s voice. They ignore all other voices/noises and even heavy metal.

So when I next met him I found him to be in excellent mood and I took the opportunity to browse the subject.

What he told me took me by surprise. He said he did it only for the benefit of the people cohabiting in that apartment, and in particular for the welfare of his mother who had always been very kind to him in looking after his needs although he was grown up enough to take care of himself. He said that the music system was kept “on” through the night not because he was lazy to switch it off, but on purpose.

I asked him “what purpose could it serve if everyone wants to sleep and the music system is pumping music (or noise) full blast?”­

He said “You are not going to believe it but music keeps the mosquitoes away. Actually I discovered it by accident. As soon as I arrived home from work I used to switch on the mosquito repellent as otherwise it was so annoying to be surrounded by a swarm of mosquitoes which had the habit of biting different parts of the body at the same time.” I thought perhaps they had learnt this technique from the British who were famous for their multipronged attack of the Germans during the World War II.

He continued “One evening however I had forgotten to switch ‘on’ the mosquito repellent and went ahead as usual to play a new CD on the music system. After enjoying the music for over half an hour I noticed that the mosquito repellent was not ON. I thought the red lamp might have been fused or may be there was a loose connection in the plug. I was too fixed to fix it at that time but what amazed me was the total absence of mosquitoes. Not a single one was visible around. All of them had taken a vacation! Was something wrong with my blood?

It was time to go for my shower, so I switched off the music system and proceeded to pick up my towel. That was when I noticed the swarm of my friendly mosquitoes which returned from their vacation to feast on my body with such ferocity.

Suddenly my mind sensed a connection. I rushed to the remote control and switched the music ‘on’.

‘Lo & behold! The surprise of my life! The mosquitoes scrambled for escape routes like robbers running at the sound of the police siren. And to realize that this miracle was an innocent and unintended side effect of the heavy metal music was one of the rare moments in my life.

I tested this again a couple of times. The result was unmistakable. I then tried switching to other types of music like classical. Nothing else could match heavy metal in scaring the mosquitoes away.

From that day I have successfully used this discovery to protect my body and save my blood form these ungrateful mosquitoes which have bitten me mercilessly.

I know that it is difficult for you to believe what I am saying. That is why I didn’t mention it to anyone including my mother.”

I was still spell bound by the impact of his words. Perhaps he could sense that I was nevertheless skeptical. So he invited me to see it with my own eyes.

He switched the music off. And the mosquitoes came in as if from nowhere. Until then I didn’t realize the presence of the music. Only in the sudden quietness I could feel the absence of it. By now there were so many mosquitoes around that I begged him to switch the music back, ON. And they ran away.

Impressed as I was with his scientific discovery I was still not sure how he could sleep with the music penetrating the eardrums and reaching every corner of his brain. He said “It takes only 4 or 5 nights to get used to the music and you will sleep even better because no other sounds around will disturb your sleep such as the neighbour’s child crying or the dogs barking”.

­While I write this to make this rare discovery available for the benefit of the common man, I also have doubts as to whether he will be fortunate enough to see it in print since my publisher may be wary of possible law suits form the heavy metal group who may sue him for printing such findings which may affect their reputation. On the other hand it may perhaps be of benefit even to the music makers since they can claim royalty for this new use. Their albums will sell like hot cakes.

Try it yourself. You may agree with this remarkable finding of a homegrown genius.